Dear Change
"Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It's your masterpiece after all."
- Nathan Morris -
Dear Change
I’ve always enjoyed a good letter so here I am, 23:57 on a Sunday evening, writing a letter to you. You’re exciting but daunting and always pop in when it’s least expected but you’re here now so I’m going to try my best to get to know you again.
Like many people, I have arrived at the land of writing late, confused and slightly scared. Change, you fell between my cracks trying to creep your way toward comprehension and recently, I have marvelled at your flexibility. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and that the universe creates electrifying and calculated decisions for us that we may never understand and well, that’s where you come in.
Change, I’m still trying to figure you out. Sometimes you’re like the guest that comes over for a drink, empty-handed and already tipsy, leaving a trail of broken glass and tears behind you. Other times you’re the knock on the door that disappears before anyone hears you over the music. And at the best of times, you’re the guest that arrives with a bottle of wine and a bunch of flowers, shedding laughter like petals on your way out.
Recently I opened my doors to you and let you in but like an unpredictably strong gust of wind on an Autumn afternoon, you knocked over my drink and flung a jammed door wide open. And even though I’m now drenched and messy, you helped me rediscover the lover I forgot behind that door: writing. I’m not too sure what to do with him yet but I’ve created this site right here to help me figure that out.
As a Journalism student, I had to decide about the type of journalism I wanted to pursue at the end of 2016. Out of my specialisation choices of Communication Design, Writing and Editing, Radio, TV and Photography, I hesitantly chose Design. My decision was shaped by the opinions of everyone I asked around me and every day this year, I’ve tried to convince myself that I was happy and that I was doing what I was supposed to do. To be honest though, most days I felt discouraged, unfulfilled and ultimately, unhappy.
I’ve never been the type to run away from a challenge or an immense workload, but this time was different. It wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough (even though I felt that way most days), it simply boiled down to being more passionate about something else. Before making my decision to change from Design to Writing, I worried about upsetting my Design lecturer, upsetting my future, and disturbing the ebb and flow of my progress so far. I asked tens of people for their opinion and most told me to stick it out because I had come so far but at the end of the day, Change, I needed to listen to myself because I couldn’t get the sound of your incessant knocking out of my head. So instead of just editing my own writing, I’ll be ruthlessly editing my life and sharing it here.
I still don’t know what I want out of life, but I’m learning what I don’t want and that’s a start. So here I am, sitting eagerly on my bar stool with my wine glass, listening to a handpicked playlist, hoping that you won’t spill or change the song, but knowing that you probably will.
Yours always,
Tash. X
